Police Barred From Getting Penis Enlargements

Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia’s Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won’t get it, according to local media reports citing the Papua police chief.

An applicant “will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged,” said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.

“If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military.”

The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes “hindrance during training,” said police spokesman Zainuri Lubis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Detik.com.

Woman Tried To Use 911 As Taxi Service

Police in one Connecticut city have a warning for nightclub patrons: Don’t call 911 for a ride home.

New Haven police say that’s what 28-year-old Quandria Bailey did, calling the emergency line six times to request a ride from a nightclub back to her Meriden home.

Bailey was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911 system early Sunday. She was released on a $1,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court May 5.

A telephone number for Bailey could not immediately be located Sunday and it was unclear whether she had an attorney.

Cops Keep Pounding On The Wrong Door!

Cheesecake in hand, the police commissioner personally apologized Friday for the 50 or so mistaken, door-pounding visits that police have made to the home of a bewildered elderly Brooklyn couple in the past eight years.

It seems a glitch in computer records had led them over and over to Walter and Rose Martin’s modest home in the Marine Park neighborhood, about 7 miles southeast of the Brooklyn Bridge.

The most recent intrusion came Tuesday, with officers pounding on both the front and back doors, yelling “Police, open up!”

On Thursday, detectives from the NYPD’s Identity Theft Squad went to see the Martins again — this time to apologize. “And we wanted to be sure perps weren’t using that address for identity theft,” NYPD Deputy Commissioner Paul Browne told The Associated Press on Friday.

The detectives told 82-year-old Rose and 83-year-old Walter that Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly had ordered them to solve the problem, which started eight years ago and was first reported this week in the New York Daily News.

Determined Bulldogs Munch On Police Car

What happened to a Chattanooga police officer’s car was certainly under the radar.

A city police spokeswoman that Officer Clayton Holmes had been checking traffic speeds with radar and stopped to fill out a report when he felt his car shaking. He found a bulldog chewing on the tires. After the dog attacked two passing cars and a second police car, officers used pepper spray and a Taser on it, but the animal wasn’t deterred.

By the time McCamey Animal Center staffers captured that dog and two others, it had chewed two tires and the entire front bumper off Holmes’ patrol car.

Officer Rebecca Royval said the dogs got out of a fence at a nearby welding shop. The owner was cited and the dogs were removed.

Funeral Home Van Towed With Body Inside

A NYPD tow truck removed a minivan parked outside a New York City funeral home, giving its dearly departed passenger an unexpected side trip.

NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said there was “nothing to indicate it was more than just an illegally parked car.” Redden’s Funeral Home director Paul DeNigris said a windshield placard had fallen flat. The van’s tinted windows helped obscure the white cardboard box that held the remains.

DeNigris said he was “a wreck” after discovering the van missing Monday in Manhattan. He rushed to the tow pound, where he discreetly explained the circumstances and got the van back. He also got body to an airport in time for a scheduled flight to Miami.

He plans to fight the $115 parking ticket.

Woman Awakes And Finds Stranger Cuddling Her In Bed

D.C. police reported a woman awoke to find a stranger cuddling her in bed.

Police said they don’t know how the man got into the Glover Park home early Sunday. Sgt. Nicholas Breul said the woman woke up and startled the intruder, who fled the scene. Police said the woman was not injured and she was not able to give a good description.

Investigators are looking into the possibility that the incident is related to others, some including sexual assaults, in the past two years on or near the Georgetown University campus. The most recent was reported in August.

Victims’ descriptions suggest that more than one man is involved.

Speeding Motorist Fined $290,000

 A millionaire motorist clocked up a record fine of 299,000 Swiss francs ($290,000) after Swiss police caught him racing through a village at 100 km per hour in his red Ferrari Testarossa, Swiss media reported.

A court in the northeastern Swiss canton of St Gallen gave the millionaire the hefty penalty, which outstripped the previous record of 111,000 francs handed a Porsche driver in 2008 in Zurich, after a string of previous traffic offences.

“The accused ignored elementary traffic rules with a powerful vehicle out of a pure desire for speed,” the court said in its judgment of the motorist, who clocked speeds of up to 137 km per hour on country roads, said daily Blick.

The St Gallen Cantonal Court ordered the man to dip into his 23.3 million franc fortune, which included a villa with a garage containing five luxury cars.

Court officials said they could not immediately confirm details of the case.

In October, St Gallen police pulled over another speeding motorist after he committed 15 traffic offences in 10 minutes, including driving on the hard shoulder, jumping a red light and failing to stop for police.

Accused Shoplifters Cause Chaos At Walmart

Chattanooga police said a couple they believe tried to steal a cart full of TVs and a computer caused chaos at a Walmart.

According to a news release, Officer Josh Wright was off duty when he saw a man trying to force his way past a greeter with about $2,000 worth of stolen goods Sunday night. Wright displayed his badge, but the man said it was fake and tried to force his way past him. Wright then tackled the suspect and arrested him.

Then the suspect’s wife, feigned a heart attack and said she did not know her husband.

After a witness told Wright the couple had been together in the store, the wife followed the witness into the parking lot and attacked her. The witness stabbed her in the arm with a pocket knife, and the wife had to be treated at a local hospital.

The male suspect was charged with theft over $1,000 and assault on a police officer. Charges against the wife were pending.

Man Calls 911 For A Lift To A Bar

Authorities say a Florida man who called 911 claiming he’d been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar.

Instead, 37-year-old Gregory J. Oras is facing charges of misusing the 911 system and battery of a law enforcement officer.

An arrest report says Oras called 911 three times before his arrest early Tuesday in Oldsmar, northwest of Tampa. He told the dispatcher he had a broken nose and bleeding ears, and claimed people were shooting at him.

Authorities say he was actually looking for a ride to another bar.

The report also says Oras kicked a Pinellas County sheriff’s deputy in the knees and a Taser was used to subdue him.

Online records show he is being held at the Pinellas County Jail but don’t indicate whether he has an attorney.

Funeral Home Offers Drunk Drivers A Free Burial

Planning to drink and drive this New Year’s?

A north Georgia funeral home has a deal for you. Between now and noon Thursday, drivers can visit McGuire, Jennings and Miller Funeral Home in Rome to sign a contract stating they plan to drink or take drugs and then drive on New Year’s Eve. If they die in a wreck that day, the funeral home will give them a free burial.

Services included in the package are a casket, grave, limousine and preparation of remains.

Funeral home officials said the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.